How it started - part two

I was at a point in my life that I realized that changing everything at once would be too difficult a task. I could not work on my health, and start a new career, and get super sporty and clean up my house at the same time. I'm sure there are people who can do all that at the same time, but I'm not one of those people.

In the meantime, it was also very clear to me that my physical health was the most important thing at that time. That really had to be priority number one. My health before everything else.

It really couldn't go on like this. The total lack of energy. Getting through the day on willpower. Too tired to make good choices. Too numb to do things. The downward spiral that was caused by doing nothing.

The heavy weight I had to carry, literally and figuratively.

My unhealthy habits affected everything else. So I had to deal with my health first.

I decided to go to an information meeting organized by the Dutch Obesity Clinic, to learn more about the options for gastric bypass surgery, among other things.

Although I didn't know exactly what to expect, as soon as I entered the room I was surprised by the large number of attendees. The entire room was packed. And this was not the only location or the only time such an information session was held.

So many fellow sufferers, all with the same struggles. It made me feel a little sad to be honest.

Many people that were present during the meeting had a certain fear of the surgery. To voluntarily undergo a surgical treatment, and to allow the surgeon to cut in a body that is not really sick. That is quite something. 

At the same time I realized that many people, including myself, were not really healthy. 

I will save the discussion, about what “healthy” means to me, for another blog. Aah, I have so much to tell you and share with you…

But first back to the meeting. The information session was really well organized and there was plenty of room for questions. What I also greatly appreciated was the realistic management of expectations. It was made clear that surgery was not the solution, but only a supportive tool. They explained it several times: getting healthier was mainly about behavioral change.

At the same time, of course, I was in a clinic where the biggest part of the information session was about the surgery. As a result, it also seemed to me that less invasive solutions, such as being allowed to enter the first phase of their trajectory without surgery, where you would interact with a behavioral psychologist, an exercise therapist, and many more specialists, was not a real option.

When the meeting was over, I walked out toward my car.

And, to this day I don't quite know how to explain where this voice suddenly came from, I heard my inner voice. So loud and clear. That inner voice that we all have, but that I myself had ignored for so long and so successfully.

I remember exactly what she said. There on the sidewalk in front of the obesity clinic.

Dear sweet woman. You are good just the way you are. You are full of love for everything and everyone. Allow yourself to let that love flow inward as well, from the top of your head to your toes and back. Inside you, and all around your body. In every single one of your body cells. You. Your health. You are the most important thing of all. Start with small steps. Keep it small. Keep it simple. Keep it full of love. Go dear woman. Go shine as bright as you can. Have fun. Become that woman who is waiting within you. Follow the path that is waiting for you.

Once in the car, the tears came. Not tears of sadness. But tears of wonder. A strange feeling of joy. The feeling of being given a second chance to life. The feeling that everything was going to be okay from now on.

Because I decided that everything was going to be okay from now on.

That feeling that I was worth it to put myself in the number one position of my own life.

And that day I also decided to start walking.

Start with small steps. Keep it small. Keep it simple.

But I didn't want to just go for a walk. I chose the symbolic ”10,000 steps a day.” I could handle that physically. That number was concrete and measurable.

However, it wasn't so much about the exact number of steps. The most important thing was that I was going to honor this agreement with myself, no matter what.

No matter what. I would no longer tolerate my own excuses, my own bullshit. At least not in this area. Just 10,000 steps a day, even if I had no desire, no time, no energy, no whatever.

Just no discussion, no inner dialogue. Just no. Period.

That felt so clear. So “clean. Funnily enough, that also made it feel very easy.

It turned out to be an important step (ha!) towards a completely different way of living. Of thinking. Of feeling. Of looking at myself. Of learning new, healthier, habits.

And so I started walking. Every single day.

By now I've been doing this for 10 months, and I haven't missed a day.

Not that missing a day would be bad, at least if there was a good reason for it.

Every day, I post my steps on Instagram. Initially to keep myself accountable, but in the meantime also because it encourages others to start walking.

I get so many nice and loving comments, and that in turn inspires me to share about it.

Others say: walking is just so….boring. And they ask: what does it even bring you? Why do you walk so much? That I will explain in my next blog.

Because with the walking, my story really begins.

With love,
Diana